Many people believe that the Bible doesn't give any pointers or help when it comes to dating and relationships, aside from the command to stay away from dating non-believers (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Until very recently, I was among that group, thinking, "Welp, I guess this is going to be a trial-and-error process... God I just need you to show me who You have waiting for me so that I don't mess everything up. Because I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm not going to settle for anything or anyone who doesn't love You first and foremost, and has a strong relationship with You. Am I setting my standards too high?"
What are my standards? Well first, whoever I date needs to be a Christian*, and love God above all else. That is absolutely non-negotiable. I would prefer him to be a virgin*, but certain circumstances may allow that to vary (people make mistakes, and if God tells me to be with someone then honestly, this is a relatively minor issue in the scheme of things). No drugs, preferably no alcohol, no smoking, and ideally no criminal record. This all shouldn't be an issue if he is seeking to honor God with his life. I could give you a longer list, but the rest is pretty insignificant.
I've come to the conclusion that my expectations, especially the most important ones (*), are perfectly sound. And I've realized that these expectations are not random, but are supported in several different Bible stories. The Bible certainly does give us direction on what to look for in a godly partner/spouse, and I'd like to share some examples that really touch my romantic heart. I'm going to begin by sharing about Joseph, and will also go over pieces of the stories of Jacob and Boaz in separate posts.
A few days ago, I was reading in Genesis, and found a piece of the story of Joseph that I'd never read before, and was proud to find (I believe my thoughts were along the lines of "GOOD for you"). In Genesis 39 we're told: "Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, 'Come to bed with me!' But he refused...And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, 'Come to bed with me!' But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house."
Wow, what a guy. (Sounds like Tim Tebow, huh? ;) ) And what an encouragement- Joseph was in a very powerful position, in charge of his master's entire household, and overall his life was going pretty well at this point ("The Lord was with Joseph and he prospered"), but he didn't let any of it go to his head or to cause pride in his heart. Joseph didn't take advantage of his role in this household, but continued to honor the Lord. He resisted temptation even when it was presented over and over again. He ran away from sin. Joseph knew right and wrong, especially concerning sexual purity. He understood that it was something that can't be compromised. This issue is one that is so often dismissed in today's culture. Purity is seen as unimportant and immature. However the Bible tells us otherwise (more on this Here).
Joseph provides an awesome example of a man after God's own heart; and a man with a desire to honor God above all else. Most of us know that he went on to become the King of Egypt. He was a successful, attractive man who didn't let life's circumstances get in the way of his relationship with the Lord.
Having expectations that line up with these stories are not unrealistic. Why? Because as you will notice, all these guys that live holy and honorable lives are very close to the Lord. God is their main man. Their relationship with God encourages them to obey His commands and look to serve Him through their actions. This is why they are desirable men: they reflect God's love and priorities with their lives.
I want a man who will fight like Joseph to preserve his purity to the point of physically running away from the temptation to compromise it. A man who understands that God will honor his effort to obey; who understands that saving himself protects me as well, and reveals his willingness to wait for me.
Tomorrow, I will talk about the qualities found in Jacob when he was pursuing a marriage with Rachel- another example of a man worth waiting for.
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