God's Got This

As another late night ( for me anyway) begins, I am again kept awake by my never-ending train of thoughts. The 'what-ifs' and 'whys?' and "why can't I just finally let this go?'. After several minutes of this, I remembered that on many past similar nights, that only thing that could quiet my thoughts was reading my Bible. I never go to one passage in particular, but flip through pages, looking through things I've underlined. And I always find some small, comforting verse that calms my heart (at least enough to fall asleep). Although I've read this many, many times before, a new idea came with Psalm 34:18 : "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". 

Like I said, I've read this many times before and always find some comfort from it. Tonight though I realized in a more firm sense, that God knows our frustrations. He understands how hard it is for us to let certain things go. I find myself upset because I feel like I'm stuck in one spot, or constantly taking two steps forward and one step back. God gets it. Sometimes I feel like I have to let it go. Other times I wonder if I really am supposed to just wait, and maybe that's why I can't let go...? Since I'm not really being pointed in any other direction.

 I pray and pray that I will be able to heal and find strength in certain areas, and still my thoughts always wander back to the questions and memories. But God is walking with me through this, holding my hand. He knows my heart, and my hurt and frustrations. And He most certainly is not upset with me because of where I am. He's not mad because I can't seem to fully trust Him by letting go of these things or people. He's not angry that I can't move on. He is gently waiting for me to learn on my own. Through my small personal dramas, I really am learning. One step at a time (but seriously, these are major baby-steps) I am figuring it out. I just get discouraged because I've never had to wait like this before, for direction or guidance, or just an answer in general. But then again, many things have not touched my heart the way this particular thing has.

God is not tapping His foot and muttering "Come ON Katie, it's not that hard. Let's move it". He's waiting patiently for me. Thanks God.

So, with another mini-revelation, I remember that God has this under control. I shouldn't be so hard on myself because really, I've never done this before. I really am learning as I go.
It's all good.
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you". ~Psalm 32:8