Sniffle, Tear

Sometimes, the tears just come in waves. And you don't know why exactly, but there's no use fighting it because that, honestly, just makes the headache worse.

Tonight I've got a case of something. Not sure what. But it's making me cry. No joke, my eyes are all swollen and my head hurts, and my nose is all stuffed up.

My mama is so good to me, just rubbing my head until I calm down. But then I start crying again, and I hate when she doesn't know I'm still crying so I try to stop.

I don't really know why I'm crying. That's okay. It's been a while since I just let it come.

I learned something important today, that I think a lot of people never quite understand: missing someone and grieving them/their absence is not the same thing.

Maybe I'm crying because I miss some people. Maybe I'm crying because I'm afraid they'll never know it, and because I feel that it's somehow not okay for me to tell them. Maybe I'm crying because I can only hope they miss me too. I don't know.
Maybe I'm crying because I'm overwhelmed by the love of my Jesus, and can't comprehend the entire extravagant meaning of this Easter holiday, and feel so unworthy.
Or I may just be hormonal and tired. You never know. ;)

I feel the need to share this small segment of my night, because I think a lot of people won't ever physically see this part of me. People just don't see me crying- I'm a happy person. I've cried a lot of tears in my life though, and I feel like people think it's wrong to cry, that it's wrong to feel sad. But I believe it's so important to be honest about how we're feeling because so many people cover it up and then wonder why nobody understands them or sees their hurt.

*Breathe* I guess I'll sleep good now! I'm worn out. But you have to cry sometimes or you'll just explode. Don't really have a point here, but what the heck, I needed a blog post anyway.

Goodnight,  everyone.

Question

I've always been a supporter of modesty.
Look in my closet and you will find a sufficient number of stylish shirts, sweaters, or jackets to cover up the not-always-appropriate spaghetti strap tank top.
I don't even own a crop top (but I'm considering buying one to go with my new maxi skirt because I have nothing else to finish the outfit).

I have not always understood everyone's extreme adherence to modesty, because let's be honest: it's pretty subjective, especially when it comes to swimwear.

During high school, I was part of a church where the friends I spent time with were held to a pretty high standard, over and above the 'please no bikinis'  when we would do anything with our youth group involving water games/activities. There were always extra clothes thrown on top of the existing one-piece or tankini.

Now before I state my question, know that I do own two bikinis as well as a tankini and a very cute one-piece, thank you very much. Because I only get invited to go swimming about two times each summer, these are rarely used. But, I can and will wear each one of them if I so choose.
Does that mean I'm not modest? You may think so. I'd argue with you about it if it was 100 degrees outside and there was no one else at the pool to bother looking at me.


Now, here's my question: why is it that guys are not encouraged to wear more modest swimwear, when we girls are expected to dress so that no one may struggle the problem of lust?

Isn't it entirely possible that when a hot guy walks around without his shirt on, a girl could find herself lusting too?

*I personally have no problem with guys not wearing shirts at the pool. I am definitely not complaining when Bradley Cooper's doppelganger walks past me in only swim trunks. But I also have good control over my thoughts, and can keep them from straying.

But really, why are guys held to a different standard?
I totally respect you and whatever you feel the need to wear at the pool or beach. But I don't think we have any reason to be judging each other. When we judge other people based on what they're wearing, that reveals a lot more about our heart and attitude than it will about theirs.