About five months ago, I went through my first break-up. It came very suddenly and unexpectedly, and definitely threw me for a loop. I was very simply heart-broken. I had been dumped. I lost my best friend, and didn't know how to deal with that new empty space in my life. Honestly, it is somewhat embarrassing to be in that position; it makes you feel like you're 'less-than', in a sense. But at the same time it is very humbling. It makes you realize how fragile people are; how fragile relationships are. And how important it is to communicate. It teaches you a lot about yourself. I'd like to share a bit.
Let's start with the fact, that it is okay to be hurt. It is okay to be mad and upset, and confused. *Perfectly normal* Be honest with yourself about your feelings! Do not sugar-coat them, or justify someone else treating you badly. You are a treasure. A precious Child of God, and you deserve to be treated as such. You deserve to be respected and valued, for the treasure that you are. The key is using those feelings as tools, to grow and learn, and realize you are so much better than than how you were treated. I cannot count how many nights I went to bed in tears, because I missed what I'd lost and didn't know if I had done something wrong, to suddenly lose that relationship. It has been a struggle, and harder than the movies even make it look. Losing something so important to you...makes you reevaluate.Some key things:
*You cannot move on from the past if you keep dwelling in it. This was especially hard for me, because I am an over-thinker. I analyze things, trying to figure out all the possible reasons how and why it had to happen. THIS GETS YOU NOWHERE. Feel free to talk about it and grieve. Just know when it's time to be quiet. Because every time you think about it before you are 'over it', you are holding yourself back from moving on.
*Remembering is okay. Having things feel bittersweet is okay. It is going to hurt; when that special song comes on the radio, or you smell a scent that takes you back to a certain place, you will tear up. I did many times. Because it hurts to have those memories feel pointless. It hurts to feel like you wasted your efforts and that none of it mattered. But it happened for a reason. Through the whole experience I had to remind myself that God was 1. Protecting me, and 2. Teaching me. I may never understand why it had to happen to me, but I know it was for a reason.
*It is a process. Let me just say, this whole event feels like a lifetime ago. And because of that, it seems like I should have been completely over it much sooner. But it takes time to figure out your heart, and find your most honest feelings and emotion. It's hard to be honest with yourself after you've been hurt.*Don't be bitter. This won't help anything. I'm not ever going to regret the relationship, because it was exactly what I needed at the time. If you do anything, pray; for yourself and the other person.
Sometimes, losing people is not always a loss. And really, if you were meant to be, eventually you will be. But you can't dwell in the past, and you can't anticipate the future. So don't worry about it- take it one step at a time. If someone was so willing to let you go so easily, then they weren't worth it. And it can always be worse.
Remember, God has got a wonderful plan for your life. Don't rush into things, but be open to change. See brokenness as an opportunity to rebuild yourself. And to learn, and apply new knowledge to your life. Also, now you have the experience to help other people through their hurt. Life is what you make it; embrace the struggles.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11 <3
