Day 24: Family

Christmas 2014

Feeling especially thankful for my family right now. Even though there are some moments when I question why God threw us all together, the moments when I do understand why outweigh all the rest. When things get tense or frustrated or just angry, I know in my heart that my family members are the first ones who will be there to support me if I really need it. I see their wonderful qualities that make them so unique and beautiful; I know that we've been thrown some curve-balls, but by the grace of God we've gotten through it all. Some days were harder than others, and some days it felt like we were all going to fall apart and away from each other. But I know more than many things in this world that we will always be together. Our lives could've turned out very differently, possibly better or possibly worse. But we're here, and God has brought us through, and He's not finished with us yet.

I wish that my mom and my brothers could see themselves the way that I do. I know that they were all made with a purpose, even if they can't see it themselves. I know that they have qualities that they may not like, or that I may not like, but that make them who they are, and keep me on my toes with wonder and on my knees in prayer. Honestly, sometimes they get on my nerves, and I get on theirs. But I don't know what I would do without them; I don't know what we would do if we didn't have each other. We'd probably be in awfully bad shape. I know my brothers and I have never been very affectionate with each other, but when the time comes, so many things are said through their touch. I know they love me, and I love them. There's a lot more I could say, but you know my heart. We have a long story, my family does. And I'm glad God gave me you. I know I don't tell you that nearly enough.

xoxoxoxox

Katie

Day 23: The Real Reason for the Season

It bothers me that according to our culture, my value as a person and as a young lady is dependent on whether or not I have a boyfriend. This idea was emphasized by my grandma's perfect timing this evening- she called us, as I was drafting this post, and asked me the same question that she has asked me every time we've talked on the phone for my entire life: "So do you have a boyfriend yet?" "No, not yet..." "Oh, well you have plenty of time."

Yes, thank you, I'm well aware of that.

This idea seems emphasized even more by the fact that it is indeed Christmas. Holidays in general are really another chance for everyone to sell products, and memories, directed specifically toward couples; like cute pictures in the snow, or kissing under mistletoe. Obviously I'm not a couple. I'm okay with that, I really am. But I'm the first to admit that I am occasionally disappointed that another holiday has come and gone and God hasn't given me my special man to share it with.

I want to be able to have that sweet picture with the boy I love standing together in front of the Christmas tree.

I love Christmas, and holidays in general, and I love love, and I love Jesus. I don't want a picture with a boy nearly as much as I really want a man who loves God more than anything in the world, and who strives to reflect that in all he does; if that's not the case, then I'm not going to worry about it. I thank the Lord that every time I get discouraged concerning this, He lovingly reminds me that He has a perfect plan and perfect timing, and that I will value that precious picture in front of the Christmas tree so much more because I've had to wait for it.

In addition to this, I'm reminded that our Lord is the perfect companion for life. That Jesus was sent to our world to save me and you, and that is infinitely more important to me than my relationship status. I know I'm not the only one that gets a bit discouraged with this whole thing. But I remember that Jesus is the only reason for the season and I should be celebrating Him instead of worrying about myself.

I think sometimes God allows these feelings to surface to allow an opportunity for Him to remind us of His true love for us.
Merry Christmas everyone!

Day 22: The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway

Looooong, long day for me today. I covered mom's shift at work this morning from 9-1 (yes we work at the same store). Then I also worked my own shift from 2-6. Let's just say my feet hurt and bit when I got home. It was crazy busy- no surprise for Christmas Eve eve eve. 

I did treat myself to some Halo Top Ice Cream with Christmas money I got yesterday- it's way too expensive to buy on a regular basis, but I really wanted to try some. Just so you know: it tastes like regular ice cream; meaning: really good.

Halo Top ice cream has 240 calories in  the whole container ( in real life: one serving, in the food world: four servings).  Whew! Talk about a great caloric deal- when a half cup serving of typical ice cream has at least 120 calories. 

Considering this pint is equal to the least amount of ice cream I eat at one time, it didn't take long to finish this up. Ice cream is one of those things I eat really fast. And ice cream tastes better when it's really cold outside- is that just me?

I can't believe it's almost Christmas! 

If you're reading this, thanks for sticking with me. 

xoxoxo

Day 21: Splish Splash

I woke up this morning and ate a bagel.
And then we decided that the dog needed a bath, which she got, but only after mom threw her back out and had to let me do it.
I met my friend Paige for lunch at Subway, then I came home and showered because I should be presentable since I have work.
In the shower I started washing my hair with conditioner because it was in the wrong spot, and I was so confused because it wasn't getting lathered up. I just thought my hair must have been dirtier than I thought and was doing that thing where it like soaks up the shampoo. Then I figured out what the deal was.
Tomorrow our friend's son is coming home for Christmas- he's in the Marines- and I am so excited for them. We know the anticipation of the wait, since my older brother was in the Marines. I can't wait.

Here's puppy. He would't stay still for the camera, but he did want kisses. How could I say no? 

Day 20

Again, a little late and a little uninspired. Christmas is almost here and I am quite excited. We went to church this morning, and then stayed home the rest of the day. I ate eight cookies. And I'm not making any more. But I had some chicken, rice, and a small sweet potato for dinner. I've almost finished reading my book, and all presents are wrapped and ready to be delivered to my friends <3

Am I the only one who feels that if you don't do your workout at the gym, and outside of your house, that it wasn't as legit or effective as actually being present at the gym? Like, if you workout, but you're not at the gym, did it really happen? Maybe it's just the motivation that comes from being at the gym.

Puppy is doing well, and I only have two days of work this week, so that'll be nice to have some time off.

Merry Christmas!

Day 19: Please No More Cookies

So we have neighbors who walk their cat and it is seriously the cutest thing.

I am seriously my own worst enemy when it comes to food guys. People don't take me seriously when I tell them I struggle with self-control in the area of food. Like, I think I need to quit chocolate all together. I'll take one bite of something and then I can't stop. "Well don't even take the first bite then, Katie" WELL NO DUH I KNOW THAT. ugh. Like some days are really good, and then some days I  seriously feel like I have to eat all the junk food in the house so that it's gone and then I won't be able to eat any more of it. This is why I am almost always chewing gum. Please don't give me cookies or chocolates as gifts. 

Feeling kind of sluggish today anyway. Going to try and counter-act the cookie dough a bit with yoga and a run.

  

My favorite sweatshirt accurately described my attitude about going for said run, but I felt much better afterward, and refreshed. Just had some lentil soup and a cheesy bagel for dinner:) NO MORE COOKIES. 

Mom brought home a puppy from PetSmart today. He's cute. No name at this point, but he's a lover and he likes to sleep like me, so.

I was really encouraged by a sweet friend today who told me to keep up the blogging because more people read it than I realize. I hope that's true, but even just that thought was really nice to hear. 

Merry Christmas everyone:)

Remember, tomorrow is a new day, and God will use it if You let Him!

Riding Solo

I'm really excited for the day when I have my own place. Now, that's not to say I'm ready to live on my own or that I'm moving out, but honestly, I am excited to build a life and home for myself in the future. Right now, I don't know if I want to live with someone else, because more often than not, the thought of getting to make everything that way I want it sounds really nice.

I'm excited to have house plants, and throw pillows, and my own plates. I'm excited to buy my own groceries, and make myself dinners, and have a cozy bedroom with white bedding and lots of blankets. I guess really I'm excited to make things my own. My home will always be where my family is, but I'm excited to have a space to be a place of warmth and comfort for friends to come and gather.

I never used to think about the periods in my life that I would spend on my own- I used to always think about the days when I'd get married and have someone to live with for my whole life, and that was all I wanted. That's still a huge desire in my heart, but now I'm looking forward to the days when I have to rely on myself (and God) and be alone for a bit. Like, I feel that living with myself is a necessary step to grow and develop, and really understand what I want and where God wants to take me in life, before I just switch homes and live with another person instead of my family. There is plenty of time to live with the man God has waiting to be my husband, so why not look forward to the time I'll get to spend with myself?

Life is an adventure, and I am so ready for it:)
Merry Christmas everyone!

Day 17: Blonde at the Roots

My mommy had to come rescue me tonight. From myself, because I am a dork.

So I'm done with work, ready to go home. I'm just worn out and cold and wanting food. I get in my car, and start it, and my brother is with me, and I can't for the life of me figure out why the gear shift button wont press in like it's supposed to. Like it's stuck, so I can't go anywhere. Naturally I call my mother, because she can fix everything (and she's right around the corner). She comes to my rescue and gets in the driver's seat. Then she looks at me and goes, "Brake peddle, babe??" And I just kind of just slink away as she tells me to drive her car home.

Can you say "ditz"? I'm just glad that there's not always someone around to watch these things happen to me- only occasionally is there a witness. Ugh. I give up. At least I already showered today.

Day 16: More Than Enough

What do you know, I woke up right at 8. I don't even have to guess anymore.

Hello everyone:)
Did a little grocery shopping this morning, and finally got some bagels! I've had this weird bagel craving the last week or two and finally broke down and bought some. No shame.

Went and helped at the Boys and Girls club for a couple hours, and let me tell you, it took me back. I haven't been in a elementary school in so long. I felt weird because I couldn't tell how old any of these kids were! The little ones were 11 and the big ones were like 6, and I felt really awkward in my head, like "is that what I really looked like in 5th grade...?". But it was fun, and I'm definitely going to go when I have extra time. I love that you can spot the kids who crave a little extra attention, and that some of them even approach you first, and that I'm able to help them feel a little more special just by listening to them talk. It's so easy to make kids feel better about themselves just by being with them, and it makes me sad that it's so hard for many people to realize that. You don't have to do much to make them feel loved and valued. I look around at little girls all the time and just admire how beautiful they are, and love that I can see how even more beautiful they will become as they get older. And I wonder if any of the girls I see know how precious they are, and how beautiful and loved they are just because they are themselves. They are precious daughters of God, His princesses, and it breaks my heart to think that in a short time they will feel the pressure of the world to change who they are to 'fit in'; that they'll be told they aren't good enough, when really they are already more than enough. I want to show these beautiful girls that they are so, so loved and cherished, and that they are valuable and important and strong. Maybe I'll continue this topic in a later post when I have more time to collect my thoughts.

I just made some no-cheese mac and cheese for dinner, using nutritional yeast flakes (this recipe is vegan but I left out some of the stuff, like onions, and the pasta was just regular pasta). I'd never used nutritional yeast flakes before and didn't know what I was doing, but it went well. I thought it was really good- way better than I expected! But my mom thought it was nasty, so I'll make sure not to surprise anyone by making it for them for dinner. I'll definitely be having it again though.

Going back to the gym tomorrow!! I was not nearly as sore this morning as I expected, but I could feel muscles I didn't know I had;)

Merry Christmas everyone <3

Day 15: This and That

Hellllo, everyone!

Well today wasn't crazy interesting, but better than yesterday. I went to the gym this morning with my friend Abby, and got a good workout in; I tried the pull-up machine for the first time, and it was awesome. Now that does not mean it was easy, but thankfully you can adjust the resistance level. I am determined to become strong enough to do several pull-ups by myself with no help!

After that I came home, and ate a real breakfast (before the gym I had a protein drink and a banana), did some reading and worked on my DIY Christmas presents. Then I had lunch, puttered around some more, and went to work. It was oddly slow for a Tuesday evening.

Tomorrow I am going to sleep-in (until 8, lol, because that's when my body wakes up), and just chill for a while. I don't think I'm going to work out, because I have the last several days, but I may walk the dog or something. I am going with my mom to meet with our investment advisor, to see about putting some of my money somewhere that will make more than 3cents interest every 4 months (or however it does that). Then I am going to turn in paperwork/begin volunteering at Boys and Girls club, because I need to log volunteer hours for my scholarship. And then we have church! Definitely the best part of the day.

I can't believe Christmas is next week!! I'm so excited. Now it just needs to snow ;)

Merry Christmas!
xoxoxo,
Katie

Day 14: A Blank Space

Well it's the end of December 14, and I've still got no ideas on what to write about for today.

I will confess though that today was one of those days where I felt I could eat everything in the house. Does anyone else struggle with self-control after a certain point in the afternoon? Goodness knows I'm working really hard on that.

Hopefully tomorrow will be more inspired.

I said I would post everyday guys, so here you go.
Have a wonderful night, and Merry Christmas.

Day 13: Guilt Free Pancakes

I've been hearing about Kodiak Protein Packed Pancakes for a little while now, and really wanted to give them a try. Though a little more expensive than regular pancake mix, but they're also better for you, and better quality, than your typical pancake mix. Plus, how cute is the packaging.

A serving size is the same as a plain pancake mix, with 1/2 cup of mix being able to make 3, 4" pancakes. I made two bigger pancakes because I could. Who knew that 1/2 cup of mix made so much food!? These were good sized pancakes, probably about 6 inches across, and I felt like it should've been way more than one serving. It only took me a couple minutes to eat. They are more dense than typical pancakes, so that also made it feel like I was eating more, and I'm definitely satisfied with what I had. 

Kodiak Protein Packed Pancake (and waffle) Mix has 14 grams of protein per serving versus 5 in regular pancakes. It has one gram more of fat, and 5g of fiber versus 1, but fewer carbs, and fewer sugar. Also, the ingredients list is super short with only whole wheats and grains, and the ingredients are all organic.  

If you want your breakfasts to be even remotely healthy, DO NOT put regular syrup on anything!! 1/4 cup of this^ syrup has 220 calories and 29 grams of sugar. That takes all the good out of a healthy breakfast. Instead, this morning I put a little peanut butter on my pancakes. I probably only put about a tablespoon on (half a serving), but I spread it thin over both pancakes, so it wasn't overwhelming and goopy. Super yummy!

And then I came back into my room to find that Poppy had left me her ball- is that supposed to be a hint? Haha, we'll have to wait until it stops raining.

It was a nice treat to be able to have pancakes that didn't feel like a wasted meal. They were super yummy and filling, and only took a few minutes to whip up. I would definitely recommend trying the Kodiak Protein Packed Pancake and Waffle Mix the next time you get a chance. If you do, let me know what you think!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Day 12: Why I Write

What am I supposed to say when I feel I have nothing to write about?

Maybe I should talk about the things I want out of life, or the things I don't want. Maybe I should talk about all the people I've ever loved, or the ones I've envisioned sharing my life with.

Maybe, I should try to explain why I bother writing these posts that I'm not sure anyone actually reads.

I write because I feel that I make more sense on paper than I do when I speak; that I express myself better in written word, and that writing gives me a way to share the things I am not always ready to verbally talk about.
I write because it's a way to get everything out of my head so that I don't have to feel alone in my everyday life- so that I can at least attempt to share my heart with you.

And yet, despite the ability for you to read every post I share, some of you will never really know me.
You'll never know all my quirks, and you'll never see emotions cross my face that reveal a side of me that I don't even get to see.
Some of you will never really know who I am.
In some ways thats comforting- to know I can share my heart and you'll always be objective and unattached.
And in some ways, it's really sad to know that you can never really understand. I want you to understand. You can't hug me on the days when everything sucks (and yet nothing is wrong) and I just need to cry. You can't happy dance with me and hold my hands when my prayers and desires are answered. You won't get it when my thoughts take over- when feelings and fears and dreams that don't get shared with anyone (because they don't make sense even to me) fight for my attention.

I write more than the things I post on this blog. I write things I want to say out loud, but can't put into real words. I write things that are too blunt, too honest, too vulnerable to say out loud.

I write because I want someone to know that they aren't alone. Like when you hear a song and you break down because it put your feelings into words so perfectly and expresses your hurt and sadness and dreams in a way you never could, and finally, someone was able to share what you felt with the world.

I write because I want someone to write about me. I want someone who can write more eloquently than I can to put me into words, to describe me like the narrating characters in books describe the one they love. 

I write- I want to write- about the things people don't want to talk about, don't want to hear, and that some people would puzzle over, like "Katie why do you need to talk about that?" Because I'm human, and things and people and situations cross your mind all the time and you can't ever control it. 

Sometimes I want to name names. I want to share the random things, the uncomfortable things, because I know- I know- that they happen to everyone.  I want to be able to share honestly. 

Let me give you an example: I occasionally have dreams about/involving my ex. Dreams where everything is okay again, and its implied that the things that happened between us were all mistakes, but that they can be fixed.

Some of you may not care. Some of you are making a face at your computer now because "yeah...and?". Some of you know better why that is hard for me. 

Do these dreams mean I'm a freak who hasn't moved on? No, they mean that I'm human and that some days it can still hurt to remember who I've lost. Do these dreams reflect the things I've subconsciously felt and hoped regarding that situation? Maybe. Or maybe they're just random. But I'll be more honest and tell you that these dreams do kind of throw me off sometimes, because these are the dreams that always feel the most realistic, and they make me wonder what would be so hard about making them happen in real life. I wake up disoriented. 

^^Why is that be hard for me to share? Because it's vulnerable. It's awkward. It exposes my mind, and situations that don't make sense. (Also because it's late, and I kind of spill my words when I'm tired). 

I want to be able to share about how I'm afraid of totally screwing up God's plan for my life by making all the wrong mistakes. But also have to remember that nothing can or will get in the way of God's Will for me, and that mistakes are part of the journey. 

I want someone to understand/explain how it's possible for me to meet a guy who is great and who has dreams and goals that are admirable and plans for his life that are totally selfless and driven, and yet not like him as more than a friend. That doesn't make sense in my mind- like, why wouldn't I like him?? I should, but I can't force that. 

Why are these the things so hard to write about? Maybe because I feel that sharing how I'm affected by these things/people/experiences isn't the whole story. I can't share or explain how the other person was affected by one of my decisions, or how it changed their life or impacted their heart. I don't want my sharing with you to hurt or embarrass the person on the other side of the story, and I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to guilt them.

I want to work on being really honest about who I am and how I feel. To be honest without excluding the raw, real details. 

That is why I write. 

I write for myself first, to make sense of what's in my head. And then I write for you, after my feelings make enough sense to put into different words. 

I write to change the endings, fix the mistakes, and give credit to the everyday heroes. 

I write to cope. To process. To celebrate. To understand myself.

I write for us.
For the other people who don't know how to express their thoughts in words. 

For the busy hearts and busy minds- let's share the truths of real life and strengthen each other in the process. There is always someone who has felt or experienced what you are right now. You don't have to keep it to yourself.
That is why I write.

Hope some of that made sense:) Let me know why any of you write, and feel free to give me ideas for future posts.

Merry Christmas everyone!

xoxoxo,

Katie

Blogmas Day 11: The Cookie Monster

Or in cookies!! 

Today was cookie day- I spent all day (5 hours)  making cookies for the neighbors (and us, of course), and some to leave at work because I made a lot more than I needed...whoops ;)

It was an adventure. 

I played Christmas music  and stayed in my pajamas and partied until I had to buy more brown sugar because I ran out. And then I had to put pants on.

I made 4 batches of chocolate chip cookies...

  2 batches salted caramel (these are the best).

2 batches of white chocolate cranberry

Totally didn't realize I had to chill the dough for the last two recipes...That slowed things down a little.

The kitchen was a mess! But no point in cleaning up until I'm finished.

Cookies for everyone! Haha, it didn't help that we only have two cookie sheets; I had to keep shifting things around as I made more and more dough. 

At least ten plates of cookies waiting to go to our neighbors:)

And I had some fun in the process ;)

Talk about a long day. But, I was in a great mood for work, so I guess that's a plus. 

What are some of your favorite cookies? Always willing to try new recipes!

Merry Christmas!

Would You Like Fries With That?

My brain is fried.
This semester, I have never had three tests in one day. Today I did.
But now, I am done.
*Happy Dance*

Started the day off with a nice healthy breakfast to fuel my brain for my tests: eggs, and toast with peanut butter.
Finished finals, turned in a few textbooks, came home.
I wrapped the Christmas presents I've bought, and made some of the DIY ones that I'm giving out (no pictures, because some of the recipients may or may not read my posts...?? No clue).
Then went and got some groceries, plus extra baking stuff because tomorrow I'm making a ton of cookies to give our neighbors- I'll try and take some fun pictures. Is it weird that I love buying groceries and gas because it makes me feel grown up? I just love it.

I feel awkward because I know I'm done with school, but I'm not used to not having anything to do or study for...I feel like I have things to do. But I don't. I like it. ;)

Merry Christmas!!

Oh What Fun It Is To...Eat!

Gym two days in a row?? I think YES. I was only there for an hour, and did more upper body work today. Again, kept it simple and din't try and do everything while I was there, because I'd be even more sorry tomorrow. When I got home I took Poppy on a walk before I got all tight, and made a late breakfast (I had some cottage cheese and a protein drink before the gym) that included two eggs and some bell pepper, and a piece of toast with peanut butter.

It was the most gorgeous weather today! 

Poppy loves to say hello to the neighbor dogs:) 

And she's a total diva- she refuses to look at the camera. 

For lunch I had some chicken, rice, and green beans and for a snack at work I had a S'mores Quest Bar (I'm obsessed). Then just had a sweet potato when I got home. When I work out, I'm always more hungry than usual (which normally is all the time), so I feel like I'm constantly eating. You know how people will say "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"? FALSE. 

Tomorrow is my last day of school for the semester! 

I think I should probably study a bit.

Hoping to do some fun things (like baking cookies!) the next few days that will be more interesting than this ;)

Merry Christmas everyone!!

xoxoxoxo,

Katie

P.S I hate that it feels like I'm a day behind since I'm posting about yesterday each morning. So in case you haven't figured it out, this post is talking about Tuesday.