My Love,
It's hard to wait for you knowing you already love me more than many people I'll ever know. Does that make sense? If I know one thing, our love is a divine love, that God has organized for a special purpose. And if you care for me as much as I do for you, it's understandable why I want to know you so badly. I pray- hope, with all my heart- that when we meet, you will never question my love for you. Please don't ever doubt it. I love you more than I understand...I want to use my love to serve you, and honor you, and encourage you.
I want so badly to know you right now so that I can give you all the love in my heart. But God is making me wait...making us wait. And I don't really know why. Well, I do know why. He's making us wait because we both need to continue to put Him first in every area of our lives. This is a tedious period of time.
I look forward to working through life's struggles and questions with you. I know neither of us is perfect, and we're going to come together with our own burdens and hurt. But I want you to know all the little things about me that you'll only learn from time and experience. Some things can't be explained through words.
Things are so confusing...it hurts when other guys don't even look at or talk to me- when I can walk past hundreds of guys every day and never be acknowledged. But I know that's not because of anything I'm doing wrong. God has put something in me that is keeping all of them away. Like a really subtle man-repellent-guardian-angel who's totally got my back. God's got my back. And your back. You don't have to worry about me, because He's keeping me safe for you. This is hard for me to remember. God is holding my hand every day, guiding me and walking with me, protecting me from so many things that could cause me hurt, and from so many people that could postpone your arrival. This is such a comforting thought. He's saying, "No Katie, he's not My best for you. These aren't The One."
Sometimes I think I'm that maybe I seem unapproachable. But then I realize it's because I am unapproachable. I am already committed to you. So God won't...for whatever reason, these last few days have been harder than others. I will admit that I question why no guy seems to want me. Why everyone seems to have what I want so badly. But then I wonder why I care so much. Why do I want so badly to be wanted? Why do I doubt God's plan? I know you want me. And I know God wants me. I ask that you would pray for me often, as I try to do for you, asking God to give me strength and peace. I need it very much.
God hasn't shown me who you are yet. Maybe you're the guy at school who I share a table with between classes. Or the guy near me at church who seemed really into the story of Ruth and Boaz. Or maybe you're the one who already had one chance, and God's going to heal our story in a crazy way. Maybe I've never seen your face before. Or maybe I've known you for several years.
I think this is where I struggle. The not knowing who to expect. I hope you're looking- watching- for me as diligently as I am for you. You've been in my heart since I was a little girl, and I'm not going to take you lightly.
So as you close your eyes tonight, drifting into sleep, know that you are on my heart. I pray that you will be encouraged and strengthened.
I love you my sweet boy.
I'll see you soon.
See "Already Loving You" for the previous post.
