It's such a bizarre concept to think that I am no longer a high school student. For at least 12 years, I have been required to go to school; I've been guided, instructed, and told exactly what to do and how to do it, and now I'm allowed to make all my own decisions. I've had to ask permission to use the bathroom since forever, and now I'm going to college, getting a job, and preparing to make my life my own. How weird is that?
It's hard to wrap my mind around. Like, what am I supposed to do? I can't possibly be qualified to make these decisions. Sometimes I get anxious about not having everything (everything meaning my whole life) figured out. I don't know exactly what I want, because I don't know all my options. And I get a smidge sad to think that I'm not a technical kid anymore. But I'm so thankful that God always reminds me that I don't have to have it figured out. And I have no reason to be sad because all of the friends I care about are still close to home. I know my short-term plans, which will have to do.
I've realized that whenever I am confronted with change, initially, I don't handle it calmly. I may look calm, but my mind is all over the place. I have mini mental panic attacks. I over-think. I hate not knowing what I need to do to make the transition as smooth as possible. I like to plan everything. Understanding this has made me realize that it's not always best to have time to prepare for change. Sometimes, like when you're learning to swim, you just have to be pushed in, and figure it out from there. In terms of graduation, I knew it was coming, but it wasn't real to me until it happened. Combine this with beginning college, and I am having to learn that I can't always get things done on my schedule- I will sometimes have to wait to get answers, schedules, costs, and permits until the designated time. It's weird not having any say in when certain things get done; if I could choose, all my college classes would be figured out by now, I would know all the materials I needed, and textbooks and school supplies would already be purchased (actually I did get some notebooks already). But that's just not how it is.
High school has taught me a lot about myself. What I learned in the classroom was not only academics- I learned a lot about my likes/dislikes, my need for acceptance, why people do what they do. I've learned that not everyone will like you, and not everyone needs to. You have to do you. Don't worry about what others think. Take the time to listen when someone speaks, because everyone can teach you something new. Be honest with your peers, and more honest with your friends; let people know when you're struggling with something. Don't change for anyone, because most of the time, people secretly love and want whatever you might change about yourself; people admire when you stand up for your likes, beliefs, and feelings because it shows confidence. Let people know how much they mean to you. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. And you just have to take things one step at a time.
I feel free and powerful. Graduation showed me that while I may not get along with or like all of my classmates, we will always be Vikings, together. The rest doesn't really matter.
It's been swell Parkview. Thanks for being a part of my journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment