Why Dating May Not Be Worth It (Right Now)

Recently I have noticed, more than usual, how girls long for boys and their attention. Any girl- whether you're 12 or 24 (or 80)- wants to be loved and taken care of by a man. And that's how we girls are raised to feel; that we need a man to be considered valuable. We are raised on fairy tales and Disney movies, where the Princess is *always* saved by the prince (except in Frozen; kudos). I mean, I am all for the idea of being taken care of by my husband and having him be the head of our home, and being a stay-at-home mom. But I also believe that until God opens the door for you to have a significant other, you need to rely on Him first, and everything else will fall into place. We need be okay with being alone, before we can be blessed by new relationships.

But what is love in the world's eyes; Sex? And what makes a man; A guy with a job?  In a Christ-centered relationship, how you love others should be a reflection of Christ. God is love. His sacrifice is love. Compassion and grace and forgiveness is love. And a man, is someone who will love God first, and more than he could ever love you. Someone who will lead by example, and want God's will for both your lives.

I have discovered very recently, that dating in high school isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean yeah, there are great guys out there, and if God blesses you with a boy who will love and take care of you, and is willing to wait on your boundaries, then go ahead and work with that. But let's just accept reality- high school boys are idiots. Especially when they are in groups. They just aren't mature, especially when it comes to relationships; there are too many temptations and distractions. And they have no idea what they want. Girls aren't much better; we are constantly on this emotional roller coaster, and there's always some drama. With that being said, why blend that chaos together?

There are two huge ideas that are often forgotten when dating pops into our young minds:

• We need to have our priorities straight before we go looking for companionship. In order to have a successful relationship with anybody, God needs to be at the top of your list. When you're close with God, you know truth and you know love. And you are able to know what those look like. Then you are able to understand your need for them, and show them to others. Then we need to focus on school. You only go through high school once, and it really is a blessing- don't screw it up and lose focus. And then there's family and friends. Friends, meaning girl friends (guy friends). Like, just friends friends. These are important too, and kids forget about them once they get caught up in the idea that they have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. And ladies, your girl friends will last a lot longer than any boyfriend you will find (and you'll already know who you want your bridesmaids to be ;) ). 

• Date with intent. There is really only one reason to date at all: finding someone to marry. If you think about it, every time you date someone, you're trying to figure out if you could spend the rest of your life with them. Or at least you should be. "Dating with no intent to marry is like going to the grocery store with no money. You either leave unhappy, or you take something that isn't yours." It's so true. you're either going to get married or break up. And being in high school, you aren't getting married. But that doesn't mean you should go into relationships with a closed mind; because one relationship will last. You will marry someone. So you need to be open and ready for that path. 

I guess my point is this: focus on school and friends while you can. You have your whole life to date. I'm not saying that I want to be alone forever- nobody does. But be willing to wait. Wait for a guy with all the right qualities. Let's go over some of those, shall we?

First off, he should have a relationship with God. That will solve a lot of issues right off the bat. It says in 2 Corinthians 6 to not be yolked together with unbelievers. It is a lot easier for you to get dragged into sin by a guy who doesn't know God, than to ever be able to change him. So find someone who believes what you do. Next, this guy needs to be an appropriate age. During high school, I don't think you should get involved with someone who is more than a year older than you (two, tops). After you're graduated, that's a different story. You want a guy with goals and dreams. You need to be able to know that he will have a good career someday that will be able to provide for your family. SWAG won't pay the bills in 10 years. You need a guy that's okay with waiting for you. Who is okay with your boundaries, and supports them. If he really loves you, he will still love you when you're finally able to date, or when you're ready to become more serious; it won't be a temporary, all or nothing, relationship. He will follow through on his word, and do what he says. He will want to see you happy, and will treat you with respect. He will treat you like the lady you are, and he will help you find and understand your natural beauty. He should be ready to lead you, and take responsibility for his actions. And he will never want to change anything about you, because he should love you for who you are.
Guys, you also need a girl with the same characteristics and goals.

So, dating is not a bad thing at all. It just may save you a lot of trouble to wait until the end of high school to get into a serious relationship. Dating leads to marriage, and marriage is a beautiful thing. So you don't want to rush into it with the wrong person. God will open all the right doors if you're meant to be with someone. So don't sweat it. <3

*Some great books I have found on these topics: Dateable, For young Women Only, And The Bride Wore White. Also always follow parent's rules, before making decisions about dating yourself.

Blessings in Disguise

Sitting here, I feel like I need to share some of the things I have learned after my first break-up. It's a bit awkward throwing this out there, but I'm hoping this may help anyone else dealing with the same situation. Writing about it, and being honest makes things a lot easier, too.

About five months ago, I went through my first break-up. It came very suddenly and unexpectedly, and definitely threw me for a loop. I was very simply heart-broken. I had been dumped. I lost my best friend, and didn't know how to deal with that new empty space in my life. Honestly, it is somewhat embarrassing to be in that position; it makes you feel like you're 'less-than', in a sense. But at the same time it is very humbling. It makes you realize how fragile people are; how fragile relationships are. And how important it is to communicate. It teaches you a lot about yourself. I'd like to share a bit.

Let's start with the fact, that it is okay to be hurt. It is okay to be mad and upset, and confused. *Perfectly normal* Be honest with yourself about your feelings! Do not sugar-coat them, or justify someone else treating you badly. You are a treasure. A precious Child of God, and you deserve to be treated as such. You deserve to be respected and valued, for the treasure that you are. The key is using those feelings as tools, to grow and learn, and realize you are so much better than than how you were treated. I cannot count how many nights I went to bed in tears, because I missed what I'd lost and didn't know if I had done something wrong, to suddenly lose that relationship. It has been a struggle, and harder than the movies even make it look. Losing something so important to you...makes you reevaluate.

Some key things:

*You cannot move on from the past if you keep dwelling in it. This was especially hard for me, because I am an over-thinker. I analyze things, trying to figure out all the possible reasons how and why it had to happen. THIS GETS YOU NOWHERE. Feel free to talk about it and grieve. Just know when it's time to be quiet. Because every time you think about it before you are 'over it', you are holding yourself back from moving on.

*Remembering is okay. Having things feel bittersweet is okay. It is going to hurt; when that special song comes on the radio, or you smell a scent that takes you back to a certain place, you will tear up. I did many times. Because it hurts to have those memories feel pointless. It hurts to feel like you wasted your efforts and that none of it mattered. But it happened for a reason. Through the whole experience I had to remind myself that God was 1. Protecting me, and 2. Teaching me. I may never understand why it had to happen to me, but I know it was for a reason.

*It is a process. Let me just say, this whole event feels like a lifetime ago. And because of that, it seems like I should have been completely over it much sooner. But it takes time to figure out your heart, and find your most honest feelings and emotion. It's hard to be honest with yourself after you've been hurt.

*Don't be bitter. This won't help anything. I'm not ever going to regret the relationship, because it was exactly what I needed at the time. If you do anything, pray; for yourself and the other person.

Sometimes, losing people is not always a loss. And really, if you were meant to be, eventually you will be. But you can't dwell in the past, and you can't anticipate the future. So don't worry about it- take it one step at a time. If someone was so willing to let you go so easily, then they weren't worth it. And it can always be worse.

Remember, God has got a wonderful plan for your life. Don't rush into things, but be open to change. See brokenness as an opportunity to rebuild yourself. And to learn, and apply new knowledge to your life. Also, now you have the experience to help other people through their hurt. Life is what you make it; embrace the struggles. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11 <3

Happy Valentines Day :*

I have to admit- I do enjoy Valentines Day. While I've never really had a Valentine, most years I like celebrating with those who do. But I will say, it can be difficult being single on Valentines Day. And it can be discouraging. And it's not easy being surrounded by couples as you walk through school (even though

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h that happens every day).

I was beginning to get discouraged myself when I remembered something very valuable (two things actually).

First: I have no reason to be sad about my singleness on Valentines Day. God has someone waiting for me. Just for me! Some amazing guy out there has me in his heart and mind, and he probably doesn't even know me yet. He's waiting to meet me. This is why I'm single. Because really, I'm already taken. It's like I'm on Lay-Away for love. I shouldn't be upset about not having a Valentine; he lives in the future.

Second: I have a bigger and better Valentine than I could ever really ask for- my Creator. My Father. He loves me when no one else seems to and when I feel most alone; when I doubt. He never gives up on me. I only have to give Him my heart. And He is saving and protecting it for the right person.

Don't feel lame if you don't have a sweetheart this February 14th. Because you're awesome. And someone out there is waiting for you to be their Valentine, too. Chin up, Buttercup. Life is good, so embrace this time.

You are Valuable, and Your Virginity is a Treasure

"There is a dullness, monotony, sheer boredom in all of life when virginity and purity are no longer protected and prized. By trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere." ~Elisabeth Elliot

Recently, and more often as each day goes by, I notice how very little respect our culture has for themselves and their purity. Virginity is seen as a "bad word", and we're told to truly become a man or woman we have to get rid of it ASAP. Every day girls and guys are bombarded with inappropriate images, songs, and t.v. shows that justify and excuse casual sexual relationships, implying that it is okay to do what you want and give into temptation. Our culture does not value sexual integrity and purity. Instead it values instant gratification and pleasure. But with that pleasure comes many consequences that are often not considered when decisions need to made; will you say yes or no to the temptation?

"'Everything is permissible'- but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible'- but not everything is constructive" ~1 Corinthians 10:23. Just because we can get away with almost anything (ie. sex, drugs, alcohol), doesn't mean that it is okay for us to do.

Purity is not just a physical process- it is mental, emotional, and spiritual as well. While we need to honor our bodies, we also need to protect our minds and emotions. The consequences that can come from premarital sex are not just physical, such as STD's or pregnancy. They can also be emotional, causing baggage for future relationships, maybe leading to trust or self-image issues, and regret. Also present will be mental and spiritual consequences. Giving in to sex, or other temptations like porn, can also cause different kinds of addictions. Those addictions become spiritual strongholds, where the devil gains control of your heart and mind a bit at a time.

"...Offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship." ~Romans 12:1

Purity and lust are issues for everyone, guys and girls. It's sad to think about the struggle that your friends and family may be dealing with living with the junk society puts out for us. While guys are stimulated visually and physically, girls are stimulated emotionally, so the triggers for temptation vary. If everyone works to protect themselves though, there won't be issues so many issues having to avoid temptation.

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control [your] own body in a way that is holy and honorable.."~1 Thessalonians 4:3-4.

You are a valuable treasure in God's eyes. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and your virginity is a gift; that you can only give away once.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says," Flee from sexual immorality...Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." We need to RUN away from any sort of sexual action or temptation; put yourself far, far away from it to keep it from coming back into your mind and life, because "the spirit is willing, but the body is weak," (Matthew 26:41).

We need to honor God and ourselves by protecting one of our most valuable gifts, and simply save sex for marriage.

Sex was designed by God to take place only inside of a marriage between a husband and wife. And God has one person picked out just for you to share your life with. One person. So until you're married you need to honor the Lord with your body. Purity takes care of that, and saves you for the one person you are meant to spend your life with. By staying pure and valuing this treasure you have, you are also saying something to your future spouse. You're telling them that you are waiting for them.  And you're telling them, even now, that you love and value them, because you're willing to wait.

If you are struggling with sexual temptation, know you can overcome it, and you are not alone. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 tells us," So if you think that you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." It's encouraging to know that God can provide ways to escape, especially when we know that He has gone through the same struggle > "Because He himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted... [God] has been tempted in every way just as we are-yet was without sin" ~Hebrews 2:18, 4:15b.  Also know that when temptations arise, they are not coming from God- "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed..." ~James 1:13-14. 

You can overcome the fight to protect your virginity, you just have to be willing. Don't give in to the pressure of society- it's not worth it.Don't be discouraged. God loves you more than anything in this world and He doesn't want you to get hurt. He saves us from trouble because He loves us more than we can ever imagine (Psalm 18:19). In a world full of sin, be the shining light. Treasure who you are, and treasure your purity. <3

If you have already given away your gift of your virginity, or it has been taken from you as a result of some sort of sexual abuse, know that there can be healing. If you are willing to now offer your body to God, and obey Him, you can become pure again, and God understands your heart. You can talk to a responsible, Christian adult you know about how to do this. 

(The books referenced in this post were: The Holy Bible, NIV;  "Every Young Women's Battle"; and "And the Bride Wore White, Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity").