The Moon and More

Sweet boy,

Are you ready? Are you ready for me and all my quirks and crazy? I am a girl after all- very different from you boys- so have you prepared yourself to handle me just as I am?

Sometimes I feel that the fact that I can handle myself means I can deal with anything. But that doesn't mean other people know how to handle me. If we think about it though, all people are the same: we need to be handled with care.

I know you have the very best intentions for me. God is keeping me away from those who don't care about my value, safety, and heart.

I want you to know I have very high standards. But I'm not high maintenance. Moments are more important to me than things- that's all you need to know. ;) I am happy sitting on the couch eating mac and cheese and watching our favorite movie while sharing life stories. You're already my favorite, so as long as we're together, what we're doing doesn't really matter.

Sometimes I get discouraged about waiting to meet you, and I feel sad in knowing it's not time for us to be together yet.  So to make myself feel a little better, I go outside and look at the moon. And I realize, even though we are apart, that wherever you are in that moment, if you looked up you'd see the moon too, and somewhere you are with me under that big sky. And knowing we're looking at the same thing, it makes me feel a little less scared, and even more thankful that someday we'll get to look up at the moon together.
And maybe we can even have some mac and cheese.

I know God is preparing me to handle all the boy-ness that you have, because again: you and I are very different. I want to love and understand you without questioning. I want to build you up, and encourage you in faith and love. I want us to love God, love each other, and do life together the best we can. I know God is shaping me right now, and working in my heart to prepare me for you; even if I think I'm ready for our relationship, obviously I'm not because God isn't giving me direction yet. I believe that you're almost ready to show up, and that when you do, it'll just work. We will just click, and we'll know. Because God knows my heart, and He knows I want your companionship. So get ready, because He is working for us. :)

I hope you know that I'm so excited for our encounter to happen. I'm learning a lot about myself as I am waiting for you to come along, and I pray that when we meet we will continue to grow together, and build each other up in love.

Have a great week, love. I pray that God will give you strength to handle the responsibilities and give you rest during your down time. I pray that He will guide us to each other, with peace and not confusion, with clarity and not doubt.

Lovelove,
Katie
xoxoxo

Love is Patient

My Love,

It's hard to wait for you knowing you already love me more than many people I'll ever know. Does that make sense? If I know one thing, our love is a divine love, that God has organized for a special purpose. And if you care for me as much as I do for you, it's understandable why I want to know you so badly. I pray- hope, with all my heart- that when we meet, you will never question my love for you. Please don't ever doubt it. I love you more than I understand...I want to use my love to serve you, and honor you, and encourage you.

I want so badly to know you right now so that I can give you all the love in my heart. But God is making me wait...making us wait. And I don't really know why. Well, I do know why. He's making us wait because we both need to continue to put Him first in every area of our lives. This is a tedious period of time.

I look forward to working through life's struggles and questions with you. I know neither of us is perfect, and we're going to come together with our own burdens and hurt. But I want you to know all the little things about me that you'll only learn from time and experience. Some things can't be explained through words.

Things are so confusing...it hurts when other guys don't even look at or talk to me- when I can walk past hundreds of guys every day and never be acknowledged. But I know that's not because of anything I'm doing wrong. God has put something in me that is keeping all of them away. Like a really subtle man-repellent-guardian-angel who's totally got my back. God's got my back. And your back. You don't have to worry about me, because He's keeping me safe for you. This is hard for me to remember. God is holding my hand every day, guiding me and walking with me, protecting me from so many things that could cause me hurt, and from so many people that could postpone your arrival. This is such a comforting thought. He's saying, "No Katie, he's not My best for you. These aren't The One."

Sometimes I think I'm that maybe I seem unapproachable. But then I realize it's because I am unapproachable. I am already committed to you. So God won't...for whatever reason, these last few days have been harder than others. I will admit that I question why no guy seems to want me. Why everyone seems to have what I want so badly. But then I wonder why I care so much. Why do I want so badly to be wanted? Why do I doubt God's plan? I know you want me. And I know God wants me. I ask that you would pray for me often, as I try to do for you, asking God to give me strength and peace. I need it very much.

God hasn't shown me who you are yet. Maybe you're the guy at school who I share a table with between classes. Or the guy near me at church who seemed really into the story of Ruth and Boaz. Or maybe you're the one who already had one chance, and God's going to heal our story in a crazy way. Maybe I've never seen your face before. Or maybe I've known you for several years.
I think this is where I struggle. The not knowing who to expect. I hope you're looking- watching- for me as diligently as I am for you.  You've been in my heart since I was a little girl, and I'm not going to take you lightly.

So as you close your eyes tonight, drifting into sleep, know that you are on my heart. I pray that you will be encouraged and strengthened.
I love you my sweet boy.
I'll see you soon.


See "Already Loving You" for the previous post.

It's Good

It's only after the fact that I remember I shouldn't try new looks while getting ready for church. This morning I was trying out my new eyeshadow only to realize 'I have no idea what I'm doing'. But I went with it because I didn't have time to take it all off and start over. I guess it didn't turn out as bad as I thought because my mom didn't say anything. ;) 

You know, it's a wonderful feeling to be content. Going through high school, so many things are kind of out of your control and up in the air, and you just don't know what you want or where you're heading- and that's okay. That's how I felt. And really, I still don't know where I'm going. But I know I'm on the right track because I have total peace about what I'm doing. 

It's been a long time since I felt completely content with where I was at, and God has brought me back to that, and I feel so at peace and so thankful. It's hard to describe... I'm excited to be beginning college, excited to be involved in church and serving the Lord, 100% okay with being single, and so so eager to see what God has waiting for me. I just can't explain it. It's like the things that have weighed on me aren't anymore, and I'm learning to go with the flow, and I'm just so excited. Does that make any sense? God has given me a new love for Him, and I'm eager to learn and serve, and... It's just so good. God is so good. He is doing a mighty work, everyone, and you don't want to miss it!

I think I'm becoming that person that wants to tell EVERYONE how great God is, and talk about it all the time. So prepare yourselves :) I am on fire. 

And I really love my mom too. <3 

I guess that's all. Keep your chin up. 

Just Saying

Why is it that no matter how in-shape I get, Jillian Michaels always manages to turn me into a huffing-puffing-mess by the end of the stupid DVD? Also, I don't think I've mentioned it but for the last month and a half (ish), I have been alternating between yoga and running for my workouts. The last couple weeks have been too hot to run, so it's been mostly yoga and I hate to say this but.......I think I'm becoming bored with it. WHICH IS TERRIBLE. Because it's working and it's good, but I haven't been looking forward to it the last several days. So. That's happening. BUT!!! I have lost 8 pounds (at the moment I'm writing this) since I re-started (AGAIN, ugh) my weight/fitness/health goal stuff. I have 8 to go, but I'm feeling confident. On August 10 it will be eight weeks since I started so that's a great pace; hitting at least one pound a week. And we are considering doing a Daniel Fast with our church starting next Monday, so that could speed things along a bit.

So, today seems to be international "handsome boy with a scruffy half-beard walking around so beautifully...WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND day". Does anyone feel my pain? Like, I can enjoy looking at these people but only for a few seconds because I don't want to be killed by the equally beautiful girl right next to him. #thestruggle It's all good- they're probably too old for me anyway right?

Can anyone tell me about Yonanas Machines? I saw them at Sam's today, and heard about them just a couple weeks ago, and I'm fascinated. Is it worth buying? Like, would I use it every day? Let me know if you know, because I'm super curious.

Maybe I'll want to workout if I eat something so I don't feel weak and hungry...What a concept.

I'm re-reading The Fault In Our Stars. Don't question it.

And I don't really know what else to talk about, so I'll leave you all with this: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." ~C.S. Lewis

xoxoxo,

Katie