Mental Rambling

To be totally honest, I feel like my life is super boring. I feel like I should have all these thing to write about... If you have any topics or ideas let me know!!

But anyway, I'm totally ready for fall. If it wasn't official before, it is now. Why is that? Well I just drank two cups of tea in a row even though its a thousand degrees outside. And I'm burning my fall candle. And I just really want to wear my warm jammies and snuggles up with blankets, and... yes. My Pinterest is transforming to FALL EVERYTHING before my very eyes. If you want you can follow me ;) @godgirl1  is my screen name, and because this is the Internet and I hope to someday have more than 12 people reading my posts, I'm not going to put my last name up for everyone to see and for bad guys to stalk me. Not that they would because I'm super boring. But I'm nice right? That counts for something.

I donated blood today, so that's cool. Got a free t-shirt and a couple baseball tickets. Oh, and I ran on the treadmill this morning. That went well... I've been alternating between yoga (I do the Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown)and running, and as long as I'm eating healthy foods, and working out most days, it has worked at slimming and toning my little self. Which is fabulous because that is the goal.  Think it's easy enough to stick with, so hopefully I... will stick with it. Obviously.

My candle is working guys. My room smells fabulous.
I've been wearing sunscreen more often recently, because it's good to do. Even when I don't put it on my body I try and put it on my hands, because -I have a confession- I am paranoid about getting premature spotty, wrinkly old-hands. I have a feeling I am the only one, too. So, I may ask for more for Christmas. I have a weird love for sunscreen, even though up until now I almost never wore it.

Oh!! And you know how people who smoke get prominent wrinkles around their mouth from sucking death into their lungs through their cigarettes? Is it crazy weird that I'm kind of afraid that will happen from drinking my Camelbak ALL THE TIME? I mean, it's the same concept and like facial motions, but... I don't know. This is a legitimate concern...but I love my Camelbak more than many things so it won't stop me...unless I'm right. Maybe.
And in case you didn't know, I'm addicted to chocolate and need to ban it from my life completely because I have no self-control when it comes to chocolate and it is going to make me obese.

So, if you read up to this point, thank you, because these are the things that go through my mind but that I don't think most people care to know. Congrats.

xoxoxo,
Katie

Already Loving You

There is a guy out in the world that has my whole heart.
I have loved him since I was a little girl, before I fully understood what real love is.
I've envisioned our life together. He is a part of all my dreams and plans.
He is my best friend, my safe place, my encourager. He is my favorite comedian, partner in crime, and my other half.
And I am so excited for what our future holds.

But, as I'm writing this, there is a chance I've still not met him.
That's right- this guy is most likely a total stranger. Or I might know him well. But that doesn't change the way I've always felt about him in my heart.

Whoever you are, know I'm waiting for you, excitedly anticipating your arrival in my life.

I don't know what to write that may help you understand my heart...

God created the two of us and smiled because He knew- He knew the adventures we would have together. He's waiting to give me you until the perfect time.

I really want to let you know one thing:
I'm already loving you.
I know you're out there, and you're more than I've ever dreamed. And when the time comes, you will become an amazing husband and father.

Know that I've always loved you.
I believe God has put such a strong desire for love in my heart so that I'll know it's the real-deal when our stories finally combine.
God is saving us for each other. Don't be discouraged, and don't doubt His plan. I know it's frustrating to not understand what our futures hold. But I'm not going anywhere that will be too far for you to reach me.

Finding each other will not/has not been a fast or simple journey. But I know it will be worth it.

We may not know the significance of our meeting until long after the fact. And if I'm honest, I probably won't make it easy for you to capture my heart at first. I'll conceal the strength of my feelings until I'm sure God's giving me a thumbs-up. I'll probably make you work at it and prove yourself and wait for me before I'm sure you're a safe place. But I promise that once you're in, you're in for good. You'll be my one and only, and I will do my very best to make sure you never question that fact. I will never let go of you. I will be by your side through everything, because life is an adventure I want to explore with you. Together we will work to further God's kingdom, in better ways than we could've done on our own.

I promise to be your loudest cheerleader and biggest encourager.

I will sing you love-songs during car rides.
I will make you delicious sandwiches when you're hungry, and when you're not.
I will watch sports with you, as long as you're willing to explain them to me as we go.
I will watch superhero-fighting-action-guy movies with you.
I will let you win when we arm-wrestle. Lol, you'll always win, I know that right now.
I will make sure we have plenty of blankets when it's cold so that I won't accidentally steal yours.
I will do your laundry with lots of love thrown-in for extra softness.
I will support your dreams. And help you face your fears.
I will kiss your owies.
I will pester you and bug you until we catch the giggles and can't go to sleep because everything's hilarious.
I will pray for you.
I will keep your love safe.
I will love you forever.

I pray that God will be your strength when you're discouraged or confused. That you will look to Him for guidance and comfort. That He will #1 in your life, and that I will always be #2 even if for now I'm just in your heart. I pray that you will not forget you are a Child of God, and that you will always remember that you are His.

I can't wait to meet you, whoever you are. You may even get another blog post if I think of anything to add. ;)

xoxoxo,
Katie

My Everyday Products

Okay, so I honestly don't think anyone cares about the products I use on a daily basis to take care of my teeth, skin, hair etc. but I'm going to go through them anyway. 

We will start with teeth! First off, I use a basic Oral-B manual toothbrush. I don't know the exact style name or whatever, but I think I found a link for them here. The toothpaste I use is the Colgate Enamel Health Whitening Toothpaste. And the mouthwash is the Listerine Total Care Fresh Mint Anticavity Mouthwash. I think we got both the toothpaste and mouthwash at Sam's club, but I'm sure you can find them almost anywhere else. I really like both of these because the mint flavors are not gross and overpowering like many. They're both gentle and have a nice taste to them, and really leave my mouth feeling clean. I used to use the Colgate Optic White Sparkling Mint toothpaste, but they stopped carrying it at Sam's and switched to what I use now; it was really great as well, with a very mild mint flavor, but they're both good and very similar. 

Next is skin care! I have two different face washes, so I keep one in the shower (left) and one under my sink (right). Obviously both of my face washes are Burt's Bees, but I've never used them before I got these containers. I really like them but they are kind of pricey. I like them because they were the only ones I found without a "Do not ingest" type warning, which meant the ingredients were not full of chemicals, and were even safer to be absorbed through the skin.

 The one on the left is the Burt's Bees Soap Bark and Chamomile Deep Cleansing Cream. This one has a thicker consistency, and almost looks like a mask in a tube. Neither of these lather up very much, but you only need a small amount of product for your whole face. The one I use in the shower is the Burt's Bees Brightening Daily Facial Cleanser, which is a much thinner consistency and easier to spread on your face. This one doesn't leave my face feeling as tight and tingly as the other, but gives a much softer clean feeling. The only daily moisturizer I've ever used is the Aveeno Positively Radiant Daily Moisturizer Broad Spectrum SPF 15 (or the knockoff version if I couldn't find this one). I use one pump for my face and neck and it's nice and smooth. I've never broken out because of this, and it isn't heavy, and doesn't leave your face dirty and needing to be washed again. Love it. Finally, for night moisturizing, I've recently been using the Boots No7 Beautiful Skin Night Cream Normal/Oily. See my 'review' here.

For pimple treatment, I use the Doterra Clearskin Topical Blend of essestial oils (which is bought with the cleanser). Doterra is Cerified Pure Theraputic Grade (CPTG) essential oils. A little bit of background can be found here that would explain it better than I could; just scroll down to "CPTG Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade® — An Innovative Standard". 

For makeup removers, I use the Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes. I don't remember using any other product for taking off makeup but I think we just use these because they're cheaper in the large pack at Sam's club. They work pretty well; I usually have to go over my eyes twice to make sure everything is off but I think that's because of all the little spaces our eyes have. Otherwise they're pretty great! Except, the packaging does tear almost every time I open a new pack, which is why we keep them in a plastic baggie, so they don't dry out.  

For face masks, I use the Health&Beauty Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay Mask. This container is massive, so it's lasted me for probably like five years, and I'm not even close to finishing it. It's a pretty basic clay mask that you just mix with water. Seems to do a decent job of deep-cleaning my face; I usually use it when I'm feeling really grimy and in-need of something stronger than a cleanser. And I always wash my face afterward, typically in the shower, to make sure I get all the dirt and yuck off my skin. The lotion is pretty self-explanatory.  I put it on after my showers, and it's not sticky or goopy afterward. 

For heat protectant, I use the Silk Elements MegaSilk Heat Protection Spray, and we got this as a free gift (I think) from Sally Beauty Supply. I honestly don't even know if this works well, but it's what we have so it's what I use. If you spray too much it will make your hair feel greasy. 

Right now, I am using the cheaper version of Matrix Biolage Hydrating Shampoo, which is called Naturelle Biotera Long and Healthy Shampoo. This shampoo is great. Any time I've tried a cheap-o drugstore shampoo, it's given me dandruff, and then I'll switch back to this (or the Biolage) and it goes away. Don't ask me to explain that one... I don't plan on trying anything different if that tells you anything about it as a product. 

Currently I am using the TRESemme' FreshStart Dry Shampoo (right). Seems to work pretty well but can be kind of dry-sticky if you spray too much. I don't like the smell either, but it obviously works well enough to make me finish the container. I did buy the Not Your Mother's Clean Freak Refreshing Dry Shampoo (left), and am really excited to try it out. I think (from the one time I've sprayed it) that it's a lighter/thinner consistency, which I think will work better.
I will say the TRESemme' Tres Two Hairspray Extra Firm Control is the bomb.com. It's very light, but sticky when you spray it on, which allows you to still shape your hair once you've sprayed it, and it's not heavy. The package says "all day humidity resistance" and it's true. Just spray a smidge on your trouble spots and they won't go anywhere- but you can't tell visibly that you're wearing hairspray. Obviously if you spray too much you'll be able to feel it with your hands. Seriously though, this is the best hairspray I've ever used.
And finally I use the It's a 10 Miracle Leave-in Product, which I bought from Target in a two-pack the was on a really good sale, because otherwise I'm too cheap. I love the smell and texture of this spray. I only put it on after I shower, and just comb it through my hair; it softens and detangles especially. I would buy it if it went on sale again but not when it's regular priced. And my brush is from Wal-Mart and my comb is an old one from Clinique that came we've had forever.

Hope anyone who read this enjoyed, and maybe found some new products to try:)
xoxoxo

Letters

Why do we hold onto things like letters?

I know I held onto mine because I hoped that they would somehow keep me connected to the person who gave them to me. I felt they were keepsakes...memories I would lose if I didn't keep the letters themselves. I guess I felt that keeping them meant there was a chance I might get one more letter someday.

The one thing they did besides strengthen the memories every once in a while, was keep me attached to a situation that has long been in the past.  They kept me...trapped... in a sense, to feelings and thoughts that only make me doubt and wonder what I could've done differently.
Why did I keep these? Aside from photos, they were the most personal items I saved. The only words I could look back on and smile at. But that smile would quickly fade, accompanied by a feeling of sadness for something lost, and I'd put the letters back in their place.

With the sender out of the picture, these letters did not make me happy. They did not reassure me of myself. They didn't really make me feel good at all. They were just a reminder. They reminded me of something I am able to remember without the many pieces of paper in my hands. In a way, I would avoid getting that basket down from my closet, because I knew those letters were in that little box, and I didn't want to be drawn back in to a cycle of questioning. Those letters kept pulling me into the past. That's dangerous.

So I threw them away. Today, almost two years after they didn't matter anymore, I realized they were only hurting me. I couldn't throw them away before now because I just wasn't ready; I can't explain this, but I know if I had done this any sooner I would've regretted it.

I know what those letters said.
The memories are not lost.

But the weight those letters put on me is gone.

 I won't forget anything, really.

I feel better knowing I'm not carrying their weight anymore.